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Nov. 12th, 2010


The "I don't need anything, but these would be nice" Christmas list.

 This year will mark my first year away from my family during the holiday season. Ryan and I will be spending our vacation in Ottawa, exactly 1,639 Km away from our families. (1652 km to Ryans family, if you want to be precise!)  It will be very difficult for the both of us, since we are so tight knit with our families, and even more so at this time of year.  But, looking at the silver lining as I always do, It will probably be the most relaxing Christmas I will ever have/have had. In my perspective, it will also be pleasing to not have any plans what so ever, and to truly relax during our break. Our friends who live in Ottawa are all traveling home for the holidays, so there will be no parties to prepare food for, no events to have to dress up for, and no reason to go out in the dangerous winter weather. And well, thats music to my ears!
Despite a quiet holiday, Ryan and I are expecting a large, and mildly expensive event to occur over the holidays. Because of this event, we have decided that in the interest of saving money and avoiding unnecessary stress, we are NOT to give each other gifts. Whtas the big event you ask? Ryan and i are expanding our family... we are getting a puppy! He is a red Shiba Inu puppy named Charlie, and he will be joining us around the 19th of December! We are insanely excited, and it helps alleviate the sadness of not seeing our family at Christmas. 

The only speed-bump in our plan, is that our families still want to send us gifts, even though we TRULY do not want to receive anything but love. So after some discussion with my Mother (the parent who picks out our presents each year) she has insisted that she would like to send us gifts, no matter what our plans are. So at my mothers request, I will post a list of items (albeit reluctantly)  that i would be very pleased to receive as gifts during the holidays, so that Mom wont "get me something that I will say i like, but i really dont" (her words, not mine! haha love you, Mom!) 

My "I don't need anything, but these would be nice" Christmas list. 
  • A sewing machine (nothing fancy here... i dont know how to sew. I just want to learn how!) 
  • Wide shaft boots (for my extra large calves. Im a tank!) Preferably something warm, with a small or no heel at all. 
  • A winter jacket. not to be confused with a coat. I have one of those. I dont have a jacket. You know, the kind you use when skiing, or playing in the snow (which Charlie!) or when doing active outdoor activities that require casual and comfortable dress.
  • An incubus shirt. 
  • CBU clothes. But preferably something long, and not too tight. I want to represent my home as much as i can, but if its a heavy, short or tight t-shirt, i probably wont wear it :( 
  • A flash, lights, or beginners backdrop for my Canon DSLR Rebel Xt. This is pricey, unless you find a slick deal onlibe.
  • something - ANYTHING - from thinkgeek.com. I LOVE their stuff. 
  • A magic bag. Its something we dont have, but always want, and never remember to buy. 
  • USB Heated gloves. Cause im always cold at work, especially my hands. You can find these babys online here or here, and many other places online. A Google seach will get you many results. 
  • A ram upgrade for my MacBook. The poor thing is really slowing down. I think this would be around $70 or $80, and id have to provide you will all the necessary information to get the correct ram.
  • Insane deal for designers: 55,000 designers elements for only $50!!! Limited time offer... goes up to $100 in 38 hours. 
  • A vacuum cleaner. Nothing special. Just something that actually works. Preferably something small, since we live in such a teensy-weensy apartment.  
  • The KERN Sweater for designers. I've wanted this one for years.
  • Some $$$ towards a new dining room table from Ikea.
  • Curtains. To keep us warm, because our windows are drafty. The only problem? Our windows are 200" long. 
  • Book: "Graphic Design: A Users Manual"  
  • Skates, so that I can skate the canal this year. 

More ideas will surely be posted soon, Mom. My mind is always thinking of the things I need. 

Aug. 27th, 2010


7 months

 It has now been 7 months since Ryan and I moved out of Cape Breton, and we are definitely experiencing change in our lives. 

I have since had two jobs. One was a term with Shine Music Academy, where i was their graphic designer and promotions coordinator. It was a fantastic job working so closely with bands and music students, as well as counting nights out to see live music as billable hours. I got some excellent work for my portfolio out of this job as well, including a produced music album design, and a bus ad campaign of 10 different designs (and about 300 copies) which ran for 3 months. But alas, this lifestyle had to come come to an end, as my system was wearing out from too many late nights with bands and burning the candle at both ends trying to meet design deadlines. Note to everyone: musicians are not reliable individuals! Too many times I would be waiting until the last half hour of a deadline to receive copy from them which still needed to be proofread! 

After that I started working for a company named Klipfolio, a software development place downtown. They are an excellent place to work, very relaxed with a great team and an open concept office space. Also, their building is only 2 blocks away from me, which i definitely dont complain about! Next week will be my 3-month mark with Klipfolio, meaning my probation time will be completed and I will be able to settle into some serious job security. I`m quite happy and learning lots each day, as they challenge my web coding knowledge and skill base. `They have also allowed me to `train` while on the job, which means i`m becoming a better designer every day. Feels like a dream! 

Unfortunately, i do not get many chances to be creative at this job, so i am filling up my off time with lots of painting and commissioned design work. Recently i was pleasantly surprised to be contacted by a fellow designer from Cape Breton to help him with a logo design. I must be doing something right for an established designer from another province to ask me for help! So, i`m still not `there` yet as a designer, but im doing well. I`ll hopefully be releasing my website within the next few months to show of some of my hard work. 

Ryan and I will be starting Curling in the fall, and thus be settling into a serious routine. I`m not really one for routine, but im sure it will feel good for the two of us. In October we are taking a `vacation` back to Cape Breton for my best friends wedding (which we are both standing in) which we are both very excited, and a little stressed about. Its going to be an expensive trip, so we suspect that we will not be going home for Christmas. It will be out first Christmas alone and away from home, and I`m actually extremely excited! There will be so much less stress, i imagine it will be the way Christmas is supposed to be. I cant wait for Christmas eve where we can both cuddle up by the tree with a blanket and some wine, and just enjoy each others company.

We are also discussing getting a dog this year. Perhaps for christmas, or maybe after. Out list of breeds is getting longer and longer the more we research. Its difficult to decide when we are both dog lovers! But hopefully in 2011, our love nest will grow to 3, and we will officially be our own family. 

</end update> ... lol

Feb. 3rd, 2010


Happy Birthday... aka the day I was ejected from the womb.

It occurred to me today why it is that I despise this day more and more each year. Its not just because I am getting a year older that this wave of dismal distress overcomes me, although that idea never seems to help. Its the hype that comes along with the term "birthday". Everyone places so much emphasis on this day that it rarely lives up to the excitement and happiness expected.
Again I find myself sitting and thinking over what I expected this day to be, and realizing it do not even come close to sizing up. I didn't expect any superficial treatment, or a surprise party (which is impossible to have now that I'm in a new city without any friends). But I did hope to take a walk to see the ice sculptures in town, watch a movie of my choice with my loved, and avoid doing my most hated chore.... the dishes. I also held out a bit of hope to go to the art store down the street to purchase a painting canvas (which at this moment, would be exceptional, considering the emotional energy i am manifesting).
Yet i find myself stuck in the apartment, my lover asleep, no ice sculptures seen, no movie watched, no canvas bought, and worst of all, irritated by the feeling my dish-pan hands after finally sucking it up, and cleaning the pile left in the sink.
It should be said that none of this actually send me over the edge to "mad" or anywhere even close. I just find it melodramatic and annoying that it happens to be on this day, of all days, where everything "should go my way."
I wish birthdays never had to be noted. That way, id never be let down.
And as always on this day, it is snowing.
and oddly, I miss my home.

Jan. 27th, 2010


Earl, Roll Out

On a whim, and with love and adventure in our hearts, Ryan and I decided on Wednesday the 13th of January to pack up our lives, and move on to Ottawa, our nations capital. Ryan lived there for before for approximately 9 months, and I visited him twice. We both learned we loved the city, the freedom and the privacy, so when a job opportunity opened up for him this year, we decided to take it before it passed us by.

So we packed up the car, and hit the road on the 17th. With gritted teeth and eyes wide, we drove straight through and hit Ottawa the following night at 6:30pm, just in time to walk into our 'newly renovated' 2 bedroom down town. It turns out that to our land-lord, 'newly-renovated' also included 'rat infested' and 'mold growth' in the description, and he just decided to leave those features out.

Desperate not to sleep in our car which we just spent 18 hours sitting in, we called upon two friends who lived near by in hopes for a place to stay. They were more than willing to offer us a place to stay until we could re-accommodate ourselves. And thank goodness for them, since it took us until the 21st to find our place.

It turns out it was worth the wait and stay, and even the struggle. We both find ourselves to be incredibly happy in our new habitat, with hardwood floors, lots of natural light, and a private pool! The best part is that our adventure is just getting underway. The two of us are excited every day to see what Ottawa will throw at us.

Today was Ryans first day of work, and after 15 applications, I have yet to hear anything. I am anxious, nervous and pacing, hoping that I might get a call for somewhere - anywhere- at any given moment. But its all part of this wild adventure we have put ourselves in!

Au revoir Cape Breton. I miss you, and all of your wonderful people already.

Dec. 4th, 2009

Retrospect &amp; Reflection


I feel really useless at everything.

This week I had two interviews for Futureshop and didnt get the job. FUTURESHOP! (did I mention I have two bachelor degrees?)
Today I couldnt rouse enough excitement for coitus... even in a very steamy shower.
This evening I invited a slew of people, maybe 12 or so, over for drinks and games, and not one of them showed up.

My God I need a pick-me-up.

Dec. 1st, 2009

Retrospect &amp; Reflection


I'm feeling particularly un-sexy lately. I look in the mirror and only see flaws. It might have something to do with my subscription to the mantara: "why bother? i'm not getting laid anyway...so..."
I need a serious pick-me-up, and soon.

Oct. 23rd, 2009


(no subject)

 Wow, nevermind. That was all in vain. Ryan is getting someone elses girlfriend to drive him home, because I am making things too much of a hassle.  If you think I am going to pick up a drunk girl who said she wanted to fight me 3 weekends ago.... and driving her around town before i go to get you, you've got another thing coming. Ill bend over backwards for you, but Im not being taken advantage of by everyone else.
Runni gout of reasons to hold on

While I sit here.

 Trying to play the model girlfriend is starting to wear my sanity thin. 

Here I am again, sacrificing myself for his fun. While I sit, alone in his house, waiting for his call, I cant help but wonder if it will again go unnoticed. 

Tonight, He is away with classmates, celebrating the completion of a 6 week course. I am trying my best to be supportive of his need to celebrate another milestone in his career, and his need to spend 'time with the guys.'  But, I am already resenting him for what I will have to face when I go to pick him up. He has been drinking since 11 am (it is now 8:30pm) and was slurring and babbling when I last spoke to him. I gave up my friday night to pick him up after 9+ hours of drinking, for him to surely talk in an extremely loud voice on the drive home, apologizing about his behaviour, and to then pass out immediately after arriving home. I'll have to explain it all to his parents, and then tomorrow will be a fully wasted day as he nurses his hangover by sleeping the entire day away. Ive seen this pattern happen too often.  Yet I sit and wait, trying to be supportive, giving up my friday Night, my Saturday, and my last ounce of patience.  

I'd like to place $400 on this act not getting me anywhere in my persuit of intimacy, please. 

I feel like I might be rapidly approaching a crossroads, where one road is lack-luster companionship, and the other, selfish abandonment. Why should I stay when I could get what I am lacking from another? Why would I leave when there is love and compassion between us, and I've never been treated so well? 

My lust is screaming. My heart is singing.  My skin in crawling, And my mind is racing. Every minute of the day... except when I am in his arms.

Oct. 13th, 2009


Hard to Get

 Playing hard to get is not easy. But it seems to be working slowly... slowly. But should I really be forced to act this way? It's difficult knowing that in another situation, I could be being worshiped. My wandering eye is natural, but you definitely can not blame me in this situation. 

In other, less cryptic news: Im trying to swindle my way into getting my nose pierced again. I just want make sure it wont rustle feathers in my new residence. Don't want to disrespect the people who are helping me so generously right now. 

Oct. 12th, 2009

Retrospect &amp; Reflection


 would you let me lick you with alliteration and tie you up with similies?
give you pain and pleasure with solliquies until you beg me for release....
I think we can have the ebonic plague solution...lace me with your lexiconic seed and in 9 months we can start to raise the revolution

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