While I sit here.
Here I am again, sacrificing myself for his fun. While I sit, alone in his house, waiting for his call, I cant help but wonder if it will again go unnoticed.
Tonight, He is away with classmates, celebrating the completion of a 6 week course. I am trying my best to be supportive of his need to celebrate another milestone in his career, and his need to spend 'time with the guys.' But, I am already resenting him for what I will have to face when I go to pick him up. He has been drinking since 11 am (it is now 8:30pm) and was slurring and babbling when I last spoke to him. I gave up my friday night to pick him up after 9+ hours of drinking, for him to surely talk in an extremely loud voice on the drive home, apologizing about his behaviour, and to then pass out immediately after arriving home. I'll have to explain it all to his parents, and then tomorrow will be a fully wasted day as he nurses his hangover by sleeping the entire day away. Ive seen this pattern happen too often. Yet I sit and wait, trying to be supportive, giving up my friday Night, my Saturday, and my last ounce of patience.
I'd like to place $400 on this act not getting me anywhere in my persuit of intimacy, please.
I feel like I might be rapidly approaching a crossroads, where one road is lack-luster companionship, and the other, selfish abandonment. Why should I stay when I could get what I am lacking from another? Why would I leave when there is love and compassion between us, and I've never been treated so well?
My lust is screaming. My heart is singing. My skin in crawling, And my mind is racing. Every minute of the day... except when I am in his arms.